We were so glad to see that the Contest was inside, in air-conditioned comfort. Two reasons for this: we were cooked to a crisp from the parade-going, and we had our grandkids, a five and a two-year-old, on loan.
The first thing we heard when we walked into the building was the voice of a pleading mother.
"Last time, I PROMISE." Somebody's kid wasn't happy.
We got situated at a table and bounced the kids on our laps, trying to keep them content as we watched. There were two glamorous girls up on stage, running the show.
One of them was the lady that had stood in line ahead of me at the Kiwanis Steak Fry. The one that had refused the coleslaw, claiming that her family was 'particular' about food. I had somewhat mocked her, but now that I understood she was probably a former queen of something or other...well, it made me re-think my coleslaw habit, is all I'm going to say. Although, I thought to myself, if I did swear off the stuff I might become more thin, but then again I will never, ever be taller. So… never mind.
They started off by proclaiming that this contest was 'just for fun', and was 'not necessarily a spirit of competition.' I looked at the audience of perspiring contestants and parents and thought, "Yeah RIGHT." Wink, wink.
I have to say that those girls did a good job interviewing. Even with tiny folks that would only answer "Yep" or "Nope". After a few of those, the girl said, "Do you have anything else you want to say?"
The little 'buckaroo' clown, in his baggy, fringed denim shorts, said a predictable, "Nope," and went back to join his parents. Apparently he'd had enough.
Another classic: "Do you want to wave to Mom?" the girl asked. Dead silence and zero movement. I guess that answered that question.
Next contestant: "Do you ever go riding full speed on your horse? You DO? Does your mom get scared?" And the reply, as if stating the obvious:
"Yeah."
Also, the genius question of, "Do you know what sound a zebra makes?" The child looked bewildered. She did not. Neither do I, for that matter.
Another goodie: "Are you glad to be here tonight?" A long pause while the child honestly thought about it. And then a "Uhhh......." as if perhaps that were not the case. Ahh, the honesty of children.
This was as good as Art Linkletter's 'Kids Say the Darndest Things'. I hoped someone was recording it all. The audience, made up, no doubt, of adoring relatives and friends, were more than amused. They were really enjoying this. And the kids were enjoying having a huge deal made over them, that was obvious.
One of the little clowns was asked, "Can you do something funny for us?" The kid looked stricken, as though he had not one funny thing to do in the world. But his family came to the rescue. Curiously, they all began to howl, like a coyote at the moon. I must've look surprised because my friend Carol leaned over the table and explained, "They're giving him a clue." It seemed that I also needed one.
Eventually our clown threw his head back and gave a mighty howl, causing the audience to erupt in both laughter and thunderous applause.
One clown contestant performed so well, that when his dad swung him off the stage, the proud parent exclaimed, "Now I've gotta buy you a GUN!"
Apparently this had been a part of the bribe.
I noticed that my friend Carol was looking rather shocked. She'd come into town for the Stampede from a large city, and may have thought this statement was somewhat...redneck.
"I'm not gonna lie," she said to me, eyes widened, "I'm scared right now."
It maybe had something to do with the fact that the kid had been no older than four years old...probably closer to three, would be my guess. I'd give it a few years if I were his parent, but to each his own, I suppose.
I found my friend, May, whose daughter was competing. I have to be honest, I was biased from the beginning, from the moment I heard that Lillie was in the contest...so it was a good thing I wasn't one of the judges. With her embroidered Stampede For the Cure pink ribbons on her mega-fringed costume, I thought she was a winner no matter how she placed. Her long blond hair was perfectly ringleted. But her mom was worried about the hair.
"It's melting!" she told me.
One of the more memorable acts was when an older girl performed the chicken dance while spinning a hula hoop around her middle. Now THAT’S talent! We all clapped with her when it was required; a great audience participation activity. That was really very fun.
We'd been there for an hour and a half, and our five and two-year-old were becoming increasingly restless. My husband looked slightly tired; but our grandson on his lap did not. Our granddaughter was hungry and wanted everything from pretzels to cheeseburgers, one eighth of which she might actually eat.
How, I wondered, did these moms, dads and kids do this? If I were to dress up our grandkids in costume and do their hair perfectly, plus the heat, noise, and long day...would I live to tell? Probably; they were good kids, but I might just have been a little...let's say 'crabby' afterward. That's when it dawned on me that competing in a 'non-competitive' contest such as this was no less than an 'endurance sport'. Some of the kids in the contest actually went straight from that event right into the arena next door to compete in barrel racing, with no more than a fifteen-minute break in between to change and to eat.
The truth of the matter is that I didn't catch the names of the winners. I was at the concession stand, getting dinner for two starving kidlets. But if we are truly non-competitive (wink, wink) that would mean that each kid was a winner, and that it didn't really matter....right?
Only kidding: The winners were Rebecca McMillan, Ashley Loucks, and for Little Buckaroo Casseyn Pearson.
Pageants and Contests: The Extreme Endurance Sport.
I respect that.
(Even if some of them don’t eat coleslaw.)
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